It has been 3 years since I have written anything. So much has happened during that time. I have found myself more than ever aching to get some words on a page. I thought, “I’ll start over with a fresh new blog.” But I wanted this to show a progression of who God is slowly growing me to be.
Since 2012 I have:
- Graduated from the University of Dayton
- Started teaching at Northmont High School
- Started leading Young Life at Northmont High School
- Met, dated and married Lucas Hall
- And bought a house
A.K.A I became an adult. bluh.
God has been faithful and has taught me beyond what I could ever imagine through those times. Change will always bring growth and the biggest place of growth has been where I place my security. I have the problem of placing it in people. God decided this could be no more. Therefore, this past year has been by far the most difficult in my life. It’s always painful for the Lord to rip out something that was dug down so deep. And of course I’m stubborn so that doesn’t help. But to know now that my significance and value is only from Him and He determines it. A simple truth but it’s always the simple ones we have so much trouble with.
Through the last 11 months, I have also encountered one of the driest and darkest times of my life. To not go to the Lord and have no desire to do so is a scary feeling. Your heart slowly hardens and you become someone you were never intended to be. It’s then in those times that the evil one is able to whisper lies and you eat them right up as truth.
I lost the will to fight this year and God didn’t step in for a while.
He let me go through the desert but only so I could arrive in the Promised Land. And this was not without love. But I believe God wanted to teach me something, something big and since I’m so hard-headed, it had to be a VERY large sign. And of course, this was very simple truth as well.
He must be my everything. My source for life. My first, my second, my third. I must also watch what I say to myself every minute of everyday. Not what I think of myself because “…my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.” (Isaiah 55:8, ESV) And our thoughts can be so fickle and deceiving. But how I talk to myself is so important. The statements of “I am not loved, I am alone, No one cares about me, I am not good enough, I am a failure…” MUST be fought. Some say I can’t help what I think or say but that is untrue. You just do not want to change what you think and what you say. The Lord has given us the Holy Spirit to live and dwell among us.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” (Romans 15:13, ESV)
Abound in hope! Therefore, we do not need to stay in our depraved thoughts but can fight them, stop them and change them through memorizing and knowing scripture. For if you have ever experienced the amazing power and healing that comes from His Word, you know what I write to be true. If not, press into this thought and bring it before Him.
My last thoughts:
Joel is a weird book and we don’t hear a lot of people talk about it. It’s short and nestled with the other short books at the end of the Old Testament. It easily gets lost. In Joel we have the usual case of His people losing sight of Him. Joel 1 – 2:12, there is talk of locusts, starvation, drought and then the terrible visitation. But before it gets to nasty the Lord says:
“Yet even now,” declares the Lord,
“Return to Me with all your heart,
And with fasting, weeping and mourning;
And rend your heart and not your garments.”
Now return to the Lord your God,
For He is gracious and compassionate,
Slow to anger, abounding in loving-kindness
And relenting of evil.
Who knows whether He will not turn and relent
And leave a blessing behind Him,
Even a grain offering and a drink offering
For the Lord your God?” Joel 2:13-14, NASB
He declares to His people to come back to Him, rend (tear) their hearts open for Him because He is gracious, He is compassionate, He is slow to anger, He is abounding in loving-kindness and He is relenting of evil.
What sweetness for my soul.