For so long, I have yearned to write on here. On July 17th, my husband came home from a conference. At this conference, a discussion of a job happened with a company. In Washington state. As he laid on the couch and we discussed what this could mean, the thoughts in my head rushed. No, this can’t really happen… can it?
I am the type of person that can’t help but gush and explain all of my feelings. I am a verbal processor and the fact that I couldn’t talk about this with barely anyone… killed me. My emotions for two weeks went from beyond scared to excitement and then finally freaking out. I thought through all the different angles on what would have to happen in Lucas and I’s life. How would my relationships change? How could I leave my job, leading Young Life and this Northmont community that I had finally settled into? I would have to make new friends, get a new job, new grocery store, hairstylist… EVERYTHING. In my head I kept thinking, “Lord I am finally okay and content in life’s circumstances. Why must everything change again? What if I steep back into depression? What if? What if? What if?”
Thankfully, the beginning of August came and this company flew us out there. We were able to spend a day in Seattle and then 3 days in Bellingham, where our soon to be home would be. I love to travel. But I had never traveled with the lenses of “this will be your new life” and it was hard.
Over the past month, I have cried on many shoulders, said my final goodbyes, packed up our home in boxes and enjoyed this time of lasts. And God has been present throughout every step. I have no doubt that the Lord is calling us to Bellingham with some purpose we will soon found out. I know he will care and comfort us. Strengthen our marriage. And provide deeper intimacy with Him.
A friend shared a piece of scripture with me from Genesis that has been on my heart. In Genesis 12, you have Abram being called by the Lord into what would be the Jewish people. No law, no temple, no organization. Just God and sinful creation. It says in verse 1 “The Lord had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you.” Later on in verse 4 it says, “So Abram went, as the Lord had told him…” The Lord called and Abram went in faith, not knowing what would happen, leaving all he ever knew, completely trusting. I wish I could hear what Abram’s thought process was. Did he doubt in his head if this was the right decision? But this same thing happens countless times within the Bible from Moses, to David, to the disciples and Paul. God calls his people out in faith, asking them to trust Him and know He has their good in mind.
So with that I leave the hymn that so perfectly expresses my prayer.
“Be still, my soul, the Lord is on your side. Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain; Leave to your God to order and provide; In every change, He will remain.
Be still, my soul, your God will undertake. To guide the future, as in ages past. Your hope, your mind, your will let nothing shake; All now mysterious shall be bright.
Be still, my soul, the hour is hastening on. When we shall be forever with the Lord, When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone, Sorrow forgot, love’s joys restored.
Be still my Soul. Praise Him.”