process

Joshua Tree

Over the past so many months, I have been going through a process. The process of grieving. Thankfully, this was not a loss of a person but the loss of a significant part of my life for the past 8ish years. This process of dealing with no longer being apart of ministry had stages, like anything else….

The first stage was denial.

No, I am fine… great! Truly.

But I wasn’t fine, great or okay. I was numb. I didn’t want to feel the sadness or hurt that came along with saying, “I am not apart of this anymore.” I filled Lucas and I’s time up with friends and adventuring. Anything to just not think about the major shift I had just made in my life.

Now I know that sounds silly. It was just ministry that you VOLUNTEERED for Nina. But for me, it wasn’t… (see past post sacrifice). This numbness only lasted for a couple months until I couldn’t take it anymore.

The next stage was acknowledgement.

At this same time, I attended Collide’s event Authentes (Collide is a non-profit organization that is the bees knees – find more information by clicking here) where I came face to face with the fact that I was not being authentic or real about what was going on with me. This then started the road to counseling and digging in deep with the why. I learned quickly this is much bigger than just struggling with no longer being in ministry…

I was led to next stage of acceptance.

I think I am still in this stage of accepting my brokenness. Accepting my wrong thinking of how I love/interact with others. Accepting the work that needs to be done to be healthy in my thinking and actions. This time has been full of stillness, listening and lie seeking (there were a lot). Lies I fight on the daily…

I only have purpose or value if I am doing something. 

I am only loved when people say I am. 

Helping people aids me in earning their love.

…only to name a few.

Maybe you find yourself fighting some lies? A book that has helped so much in this process is “Changes that Heal” by Dr. Henry Cloud.  I love this book because it doesn’t just identify incorrect thinking but digs into why you are thinking that way.

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Let us be still.

Let us accept the brokenness.

Let us keep fighting the lies.

Let us show ourselves grace when we fail.

antonina grace

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8 thoughts on “process

  1. So wise, Nina. Thank you for sharing these thoughts. I have been working through some hard stuff also. Prayer, you, and Changes That Heal are helping. I love you, dear granddaughter!!!

  2. Beautifully written by a beautifully made person. All will be well in time, I promise that. I love and miss you.

  3. Nina. I am glad you are finding your way. I too am going through some major changes in my life and think I might take your advice and check this book out. Prayers for all of us to accept changes and God’s plan.

    1. Hi Mary! It is SO good to hear from you! This book has been so helpful for me and I love that Henry Cloud is a professional in the field as well as a Christian. He has other great books that I can’t wait to read too! Let me know what you think if you end up checking it out. Praying for you!

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